Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
