I'd wear matching sweaters with you
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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