Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
