Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
