I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
