He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
