No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
