Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize