My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
