Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
