so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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