your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
