wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
