Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
