The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
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Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
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I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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