Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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