That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
