Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
