he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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