Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
