Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
a search helicopter?!
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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