I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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