you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
