I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize