Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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