i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
