i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
