I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
