Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
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Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
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We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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