I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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