I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
