I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
