I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
