alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
