you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
