I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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