I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
