I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Randomize
