My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
