Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
