So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
