I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Randomize
