I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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