so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
