ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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