paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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