note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
