we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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