i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
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