Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
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She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
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It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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