We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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