I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
