C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
