I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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