just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
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They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
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She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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