dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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