It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize