Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
it's not cheating when I paid for it
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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