4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
