kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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