you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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