Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
