it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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