i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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