An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
