I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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