Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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