Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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